Things "Culture Shock" Forgot to Mention

I know I've already blogged once today, but I have a little extra free time before I head to bed, so I thought I'd share my post-dinner conversation with my host mom, Isabelle. I'm not entirely sure of how the conversation started, but Isabelle informed Shawna of all sorts of important things that we simply do not learn in school.



On groups of Americans: In Isabelle's opinion, groups of two are best. Less than that, when someone is all alone, is obviously bad. Any more than two or three becomes like an American bubble. The same person will always order. The same person will always talk. The group will feel safe, and therefore continue to do things "the American way." The group will be more likely to be disruptive, loud, and an easy target. Donc, two or three is a perfectly sized group.

On French/American relations: The French do not hate the Americans. Of course there are things that Americans do that the French certainly don't agree with, but that doesn't immediately imply a hating relationship. That would just be silly. Isabelle instead sees the relations between France and the United States like a grandmother/grandchild relationship. Of course grandmothers are always criticizing the grandchild (don't wear that, always cover your chest, button your sweater, don't get a tattoo, don't stay out too late, you're acting too old for your age, etc). However, no matter the amount of "criticism" a mother gives, she still loves her grandchildren. It's like that between France and the United States. Compared to Europe, America is the baby of the political world. Americans take European "criticism" personally, and see it as a direct attack against their country. Isabelle explains that it simply isn't like that.

On strange cultural differences: One thing that Isabelle found particularly strange about Americans was "flag-wearing." Apparently, this is a bit of a taboo in France. In America, Isabelle says, you will find people wearing t-shirts bearing the American flag, or patriotically dressed people, or little American flag pins, etc. For Americans, this is not strange at all...it is simply an expression of patriotism. In France, however, the same is not true. You will not find a French person wearing a shirt displaying the French flag, nor a pin, not even a scarf. A little detail, but a big cultural difference.

On the foreign experience: Before dinner, Isabelle called Shawna and me into the kitchen to explain how to make hot chocolate the French way. This seems like a little thing, but again, it's the little things that make a big difference. After dinner, Isabelle explained more why she had called us in. So many foreign students, Isabelle says, can learn language just fine from books and classes and "emersion." However, she finds that so many don't truly get a cultural experience with their host families. Maybe they'll talk, sure, but that's not all that's necessary for true emersion. Instead, Isabelle believes in an "exchange." An exchange of ideas, of stories, of traditions. For example, it's great to climb the Eiffel Tower, and take a train to Nice, and take a bus to the Mediterranean Sea, and to visit this museum and that monument...but what of that can you really take with you other than pictures? Yes, pictures are great, and yes, it will be nice to return to the United States with better language skills...but there's so much more that. Isabelle wanted Shawna and me to be able to return to the United States, buy some cream from the grocery store, find some pure cocoa at a cooking store, and make some hot chocolate the French way. And when we did so, we could share it with our own families and friends, and always remember her and our experience in France.

On political assumptions: Let me begin with an incredibly reductive political breakdown. The French like Clinton and Hilary. The French don't particularly like Bush...both of them, really. The French love Obama, and even a few have Obama/Biden bumper stickers. Moving on. Let me reference a previous point about the French hating Americans. Like I said, that is not true. However, there are some political misunderstandings that could have perhaps aided in the creation of this idea. The French consider themselves quite different from the Swiss, or the Italians, or the English, or of course the Americans. This is a common thing, and is not questioned at all. However, America is such a big country that it is hard for the French to truly comprehend how many different types of people there are contained within the same country. When the American government makes an unpopular decision, this decision is "blamed" on all of the Americans, despite the vast amount of different opinions that Americans inevitably have. For those who live in such small countries, it's hard to comprehend the vastness of America and the diversity of political opinions. Although America itself may have made a political assertion, the French sometimes forget about the millions of people who disapprove of that decision.

On European traditions: Europe is old. End of story. Because of the age of the continent, traditions tend to seem somewhat outdated. For example, dining etiquette. Clothing etiquette. Street etiquette, etc. However, while these things may seem silly sometimes, Isabelle continually reinforced that the French are more open to "important" things. Yes, they're kind of stuck in their ways about dining, but when they are faced with a difficult situation, they are open to it. Isabelle attributes this attitude to the immense amount of trauma Europe as a continent has faced in its past. Europe's extensive history is filled with wars, famine, plagues, droughts, strife, etc. Since they are experienced, Europe is better equipped (at least mentally) to deal with new world problems, such as environmental issues or human rights, even if their traditions seem outdated.

On religion: Isabelle finds it strange that despite the fact that organized religion "started" in Europe, it's the Americans that practice it. In America, says Isabelle, parents almost "force" their children to go to church. Church elders will look after the congregation. I'm sure many people have received a phone call from a church member after skipping a Sunday or two asking "where have you been?", as if you're skipping class like an unruly school child. In Europe, apparently, this is not the case. Going to church is more on a personal basis.

On French taboos: According to Isabelle, there are only three major French taboos. 1: Do not talk about religion in polite company. 2: Do not talk about money (unlike the Americans). And 3: Do not over-patriot-ize oneself (for example, by wearing a French flag).

On stereotypes: Isabelle refuses to make generalizations, because she finds that they're generally wrong. For example, many Americans think that all the French eat is baguettes, and all the French drink is wine. Isabelle never drinks wine, and rarely serves it at meals. Also, many French think that all Americans eat hamburgers. Isabelle, however, realizes that there are quite a few Americans (such as myself) that really don't eat red meat. Stereotypes, although they often have a small basis, will inevitably be wrong in many situations. Stereotypes ignore circumstantial details, personal opinions, individual tastes, and diverse people. They are thus incredibly reductive, and it's a poor choice to rely on them to immediately judge someone.

On the two sided nature of things: Isabelle repeatedly referred to the two-sided nature of life. So often, she says, the good side is only a hair away from the bad side. Let me give a few examples. Freedom is good, of course, but it brings problems. It's good to pay attention to politics, but then again it's bad to take politics personally. It's good to have traditions, but it's bad when traditions become constricting, etc. Basically, having a singular, judgmental world view is to miss things just a centimeter away from one's immediate perception.


Well, I think that's enough Isabelle wisdom for the night. Sorry that got kind of long, but I just wanted to share. Bonne nuit.